Car Wash Nightmare

This actually happened last month.  I posted it on my Facebook wall, to much glee and laughter, so I thought I would paste it here for all the world to see.  Bear in mind that I'm leaving it written in the frustrated and disjointed language in which it was originally written.

Oh my gosh...CAR WASH NIGHTMARE!

I went to the car wash, took a bottle of 409 with me to "pre-treat the bad spots". Got out, sprayed 409, pulled up to automated washer and inserted my card, "declined", tried again, "declined", pulled out another card, "declined", tried several more times, still the same. 409 is drying. Stupid broken card-reader. I look, machine only accepts $10, $5 or $1 bills. I have a $20. I pull into self-wash bay (have $2 in quarters in dash), machine says it takes minimum of $1.75 in quarters...&^$! The thing takes all my quarters before it starts. I soap up car well. Still soaping when it starts beeping for more money. I have no more quarters. I rush to switch to rinse, takes forever to get soap out of nozzle and rinse water going. Machine cuts off with most of car still soapy. Really getting ticked. Go next door to gas station, will use their automated washer. Pull up, it tells me to remove my antennae, push in mirrors, I do that. Go to insert card, it doesn't even take one.  I pull out the $20, it doesn't take $20's. I go into store to get change (soap is drying on car), stand in a LINE!!..., get to register, ask for change for car wash. They tell me it only accepts $1's, even though it says otherwise.  After Dinosaur-Era lady finishes slowly counting change, I run out, pull car into wash and begin feeding in ones...it takes $7 for an express wash. WHAT? HIGHWAY ROBBERY! It starts spitting out my $1's. They aren't "new" enough. Grrr. Finally manage to get them all in. Pull in. It makes two passes of the car, dimly misting it as a "rinse" so the soap isn't really good and off, esp. since it was drying on there before I started. Pull back over to world's lamest car wash next door, into a bay with a 7-watt nightlight (it's dark now), run to the change machine, feed it two bucks for some change, get into the bay and rinse. Get back in van. Will go to the CashPoints machine to get money out to repay Kait for the $20 I found in her wallet in the van. Pull up, waiting my turn. Sitting under a tree. Notice the loud sound of birds, realize there are 10 million+ black birds sitting in tree I'm parked under. Start seeing poop fall everywhere on car, quickly move, wait to get $ out and then rush home where I grab the water hose to wash off the new bird poo. We've got a water balloon nozzle on the end of the hose, it will give enough pressure to clean off car (again). I spray it, and in finishing, I toss it aside. It starts spraying me. "I'll just walk through it", I think. But the &^%$@!#! thing seems to be following me and sprays me soaking wet before I can cut it off.